I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
