and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
