Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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