Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
