dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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