you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
