You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
