god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
