She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
