I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
