I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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