he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
