Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is the high leading the old right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
