All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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