Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
