i can't believe i had my finger in that
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
