Dual....:-)
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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