I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
