theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
