dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
