her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
