i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I enjoy the company of your penis
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