You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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