I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
