I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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