One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
