we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
