I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
