so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk is not a location!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize