did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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