Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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