he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
