for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
