Plan B is the new Plan A
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
