Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
