i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
