Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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