i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
