Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
