I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
