I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
