oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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