you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
