So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its liver damage thursday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
