God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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