i already hear my dad disowning me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sober January is a disaster.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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