It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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