he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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