piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
