last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
