You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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