On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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