We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so explain again why im purple
no
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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