ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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