he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
