you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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