Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
