Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
