That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
two words: eviction party
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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