my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
