I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
