You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The Olympian is in my bed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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