You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
