Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my phone needs a breathalizer
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
