Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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