wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
