Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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