My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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