Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
