Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
