I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
