he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize