we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
