i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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