It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
