I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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