Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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