i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
