Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
