i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
