I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
