Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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