do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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