I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
