I need help removing her.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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