And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
