i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize