I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
