Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
