I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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