I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize