she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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