Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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