brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
