It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
