from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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