I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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