you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
