I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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