do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
