Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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