not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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