Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize