how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize