...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
