How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
