Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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