just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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