Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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